Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
