Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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