my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
