Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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