so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
