I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Welp...herpes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
