her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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