Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
