yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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