At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
