I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
