I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
