it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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