You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
