legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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