It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
