I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
