I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
