bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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