put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did i walk over a car last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
