I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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