its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
