people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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