I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
