I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
