i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
