I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
