Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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