I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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