dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The air taste purple.
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