Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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