The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
