i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
