How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
