Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
