I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
