i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I enjoy the company of your penis
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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