I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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