i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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