Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
