hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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