i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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