well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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