this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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