saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
