Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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