my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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