either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
