Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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