I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
